when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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