careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
