im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize