All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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