Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
