Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
