Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
