sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
i think my cat just said my name.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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