Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
