my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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