we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
