yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
