you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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