I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize