i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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