Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
