I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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