i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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