i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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