Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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