Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
