I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
