She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
