I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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