this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
