We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
