i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
