There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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