I only kidnapped one of them. chill
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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