Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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