Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
