yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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