He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize