Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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