As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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