Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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