Is it normal to miss your booty call?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
