I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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