I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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