READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
