i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
