my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I am naked and annoyed.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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