turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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