People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
