Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
