you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
