The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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