my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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