big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
