roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
