So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
