Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
