just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
