Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
