she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
