Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
