This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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