I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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