Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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