I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize