i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
