I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
