I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
