Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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