the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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