i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
