I looked at my own cervix.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
