My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
