If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
