I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
