In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
