i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize