College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
