I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
