I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i was born a porn star she said
This house was built for laser tag.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
