Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
