I should be sponsored by Trojan
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
