is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
