i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
