she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
