He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
