When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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