I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so that wasnt chicken after all
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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