She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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