I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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