Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
