Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
