whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
