But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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