Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
