When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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