11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
