some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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