The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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