i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
