Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
