Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
