i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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