I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Randomize
