I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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