rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
