May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
