she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
