..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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