The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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