There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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