Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
