this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
