I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
