Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize