did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
